this is unacceptable

is there a quota on the number of times you cry in one year? i cried for the first time in 2017, during training.

is there a word to describe frustration, anger and disappointment, all at once? if there is, pray tell, because i am already breaking. i have translated them to tears and that cannot go on.

all i can say is that i gave so much. i tried so much and so hard and when i'm demoralized, i can't help it but let it eat at me.

i hate looking at the disappointment in your face. i don't want people to ask me if i'm okay because i'm not, and i don't deserve to hear the worry in your tone, because i should be feeling like shit in every way possible.

how can a leader break in front of her people, in such a crucial period? it's not showing that i'm human, it's showing that i'm a slacker, i'm weak and that i'm not ready. 

i want to prove my worth. as a leader, as a member of this team, as a contender for the title. how do you stay strong for thirteen weeks?

always told myself to never mix emotions into my sport. maybe before, maybe after, but never during. you can only be a beast and nothing more out there on the waters. you cannot be a shaking, sobbing pile of nothingness. what kind of example are you setting. what kind of athlete are you. where is the fight.

tell me. where is your drive. where is your fight. where is the girl who would chase down every person who overtook her. where is the girl who tried so freaking hard to make it work, until it did. 

tell me. TELL ME. 

to my dear teacher, i am sorry and i am thankful for you. i don't deserve to hear those wonderful words from you and i cannot believe in them for now, until i'm worthy of acknowledging them. hold it close to you, if you will, because i'll be back to claim them, soon. soon. 

you will be okay. you are strong, because if you weren't, your girls wouldn't have stayed. 

come on. buck up. 

every set you slack, you are one step closer to losing the title. we can't afford that. open your goddamn eyes and spit out every ounce of the fight you've got. 

messy wires

i have lost myself. i am treating those i love best with contempt. i am absent minded. i could not care less about things i used to hold so close.

what is happening?

they say to love is to be vulnerable. no. to love is to give every bit of who you are - wholly authentic - to those you love. to love is to be kind. to love is to let go of obligatory mindsets. to love, is to be someone not like me.

where am i. who am i. what am i?

God give me strength to tide through hard times, and may You bless those I love with abundance in all aspects of their earthly lives.

[IH] UN CW Case Studies

Palestine

Stemmed from the 1947 Partition Plan, where Israel and Palestine were split into very awkward truncated territories. SC established Truce Commission (to prevent war b/w Arab and Jewish) and UNTSO (military observers to monitor ceasefire (Suez Canal, Golan Heights), supervise armistice agreements (general armistice agreements of '49) and assist peacekeeping operations in the region). 

+ Superpowers not in opposition. Both took an active interest in mediation and oversaw peace nego between Israel, Arab neighbours and Palestine [Great Power support for UN aims]

+ Meeting the limited objectives of manage the agreed ceasefire and accelerate political "peacemaking". More of peace observation than active peacemaking. 

- Approval of the partition sparked off the fighting. 

Limitation: Intractable problem given that they were newly independent, so peace was not highest of their priority list. Both were stubborn in their belief of sovereign rights over Palestine, unwilling to compromise.

- Participation of many countries in UNTSO: those who take sides will not contribute to the peacekeeping.

Sig to UN: Emphasize importance of 1) great power understanding + support of UN actions, 2) wider involvement of middle powers, 3) importance of outlining limited aims and realistic objectives, whereby member states and involved parties were willing to accept (remember, you need the consent of the parties involved to do UN shit?) Also, truce did not hold despite the threat of enforcement action, thus leading to UNTSO & the involvement of other organs, which gave them an international character worthy of respect.

Success or Failure of UN? 
- Failure because they created the initial problem with the partition plan
- Not UN failure because its an intractable problem. Prior to UN intervention, the parties were already in conflict. 

Korean War

Possible due to Soviet boycott of SC --> CW context caused SC to NOT be caught in a deadlock b/w SP. It can be argued that successes of the KW is due to the work of USA rather than the UN, given that the UN coalition force was mainly made up of Americans and led by Americans (remember that coalition force was an American initiative! MacArthur took orders from USA administration - Truman? - rather than UN)

Transformation of objectives from LIMITED ENFORCEMENT ACTION --> WAR OF CONQUEST. Western-sponsored GA resolution called for UN to 'undertake all steps necessary to reunify the country under 1 govt', which was interpreted by the coalition to be legitimization for counter-action. GA had no enforcement power at that time!

USA called for the Uniting For Peace (UFP) resolution, whereby the GA could make decisions on security measures if the SC was caught in a deadlock, circumventing the solo Soviet veto. USA INFLUENCE! USA was determined to change the rules and subvert the fundamental principles of the UN for personal benefit --> Weakness of UN: letting themselves be stepped over by SP during CW context where Western countries all looked up to USA and sided with them in the GA.

+ Ceasefire obtained in 1953
+ Est. UNKRA and ECOSOC

- Resolution with China unsuccessful due to USA refusal to compromise (walking over UN once more). Also can consider that resolution was by UNGA, which has no implementation powers (inherent weakness of the structure of the UN)
- Questionable ability and power of UN, given that resolutions were only successfully passed because USA took the lead and USSR was out of the picture.
- While UFP transcended the CW divide during KW, it was not able to do so in the LR.

Sig to UN: The only example of UN enforcement with the invoking of Chapter VII of the Charter during the CW. Only example of a circumvention of an SC veto in a CW related dispute, which defeats the purpose of veto power. GA was given enforcement powers/seen to have enforcement powers, but this was also short-lived. Contrasting perceptions of the conflict: internal vs external. Dominance of USA in the beginning of UN.

UN Success or Failure? 
- Success because the UN responded swiftly. BUT they were only able to do so because there was no Soviet intervention due to the boycott (not bound to happen during other peacekeeping missions). 
- Success because UFP was able to prevent the UN internal problems from crippling the UN during a conflict. More on that in the Suez case study where UFP was invoked! 
- UN Failure because because it was a US-led administration. "Successes" were achieved due to SP involvement and not the work of the UN. 

Suez

French and Brits secretly plan with Israel to attack Suez canal and re-establish Brit troops in Canal zone. USA attempted to broker a solution whereby major nations will oversee Egyptian management of Suez canal and ensure that the transport route will not close. BUT ISRAEL ATTACK EGYPT FORCES. USA called for Israeli withdrawal in the SC, as a warning to Anglo-French but they vetoed. Then, under UFP, they circumvent the veto.

GA approved ceasefire resolution. Under strong diplomatic pressure, fighting stopped. Hammarskjold negotiated for arrangements which will supervise withdrawal of Israeli, Anglo-French forces. UNEF set up: UNEF 1 was lightly armed for defense purposes and it maintained peace for 10 years. Did not have Israeli consent, not authorised by Chapter VII so need host-state consent.

+ Egypt and UNEF 1 cooperated for 10 years.
+ Hammarskjold was innovative in starting the first peacekeeping force.
+ UFP managed to stop the fighting and impose sanctions on Israel.

- Financial issues because USSR and EE allies refused to pay, claiming that it wasn't under regular UN expenses, given that it wasn't est. by SC. GA had no implementation power. USSR was concerned that the SC would lose its primacy because UFP can circumvent veto. Financial crisis only alleviated by voluntary contributions by other members of the GA.

Sig to UN: Lay out "host state consent" "use of neutral middle powers to supply peacekeeping forces". First ever peacekeeping force. Showed that UN could succeed using interposition and moral authority than aggressive force. SG has greater potential and power in UN. 

UN Success or Failure? 
+ Success because they set up UNEF. UNEF also managed to maintain peace for 10 years. UN met objectives of ceasefire, successfully overcame veto through UFP which circumvented SC deadlock. SG also managed to play a larger role in the conflict by negotiating for arrangements and proposing the peacekeeping force. UNEF also laid the foundation for subsequent peacekeeping operations. 
- Failure because UN was firm on prioritizing sovereignty of states over preserving peace, which meant war could happen and they don't intervene. 
- Failure because host state consent hindered them (structure of UN). BUT you can downplay this point by stating that it's an intractable problem - not just in Suez, but in all crisis, the UN faces such a problem. 

Congo

Civil conflict within the Congo. Congo sought UN help but UN cannot explicitly show that they are helping to deal with Katanga as it would intrude the sovereignty of a new nation-state. ONUC was initially meant for peacekeeping, but the political chaos after Lumumba's death called for a more robust peacekeeping mandate: peace enforcement.

Sig to UN: First time peacekeeping force was allowed to use force without invoking chapter vii. Also brought up the question of whether intervention in a civil conflict could actually allow the UN to remain impartial.

UN Success or Failure?
+ ONUC did meet their limited objectives of ending the secession and the first peace enforcement force successfully enforce peace. However, this can be downplayed by stating that ONUC caused a huge financial crisis in the UN which caused the UN to be unable to take on any other large-scale operations during the period of the CW.
- While it started out as a civil conflict, it evolved and took on some CW shades, evident in how USSR accused the UN of having a Western bias. UN did not remain impartial.
- The nature of the conflict (civil) does not allow the UN to be impartial. Limits the means of intervention as they have to adhere strictly to the charter.